If you are reading this, you are a person of tremendous strength who is likely experiencing one of the most painful seasons of their life. Experiencing sexual betrayal shatters your whole life, causing you to want to give up. It’s natural, and you are justified in blaming your spouse, family, and God. This blaming is not the path that will help you heal.
I once heard a speaker liken the pain of experiencing betrayal trauma to that of the experience of a wounded animal caught in a trap. After sitting with couples experiencing the aftermath of infidelity and sexual addictions, the vividness of that word picture still resonates with me. Being betrayed by a loved one is the worst fear of many. Marriage is supposed to be a commitment that protects you from this pain. When betrayal happens through affairs or sexual acting out, it can be one of the most devastating experiences of your life.
Betrayal Trauma is Similar to PTSD
I assure you that healing is possible. Many brave souls have traveled the path of recovery. Recovering from sexual and emotional betrayals. The trail is neither easy nor short. Recovering from betrayal trauma involves recognizing what you are experiencing. You’re experiencing something akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
There are five categories of PTSD symptoms:
- Exposure to a life-threatening experience.
- Intrusive thoughts such as recurring memories or distressing dreams.
- Avoidance of people, places, or activities that serve as external reminders
- Negative Mood alterations like exaggerated negative beliefs about self, others, and the world. and cognitions
- Emotional arousal: hypervigilance, irritability, inability to concentrate, and sleep disturbances.
As you read this, you might think you have not had a life-threatening experience. When we look at the impact of affairs, infidelity, and sexual addictions. Many partners wonder about the possibility of sexually transmitted diseases Diseases that can be life-threatening. Additionally, many betrayed partners report feeling violated. This is another way of expressing a lack of safety in their world. After the discovery of sexual betrayal, acting out partners make threats or act violently toward their partners.
How The Betrayal Trauma Healing Process Works
When I first describe the symptoms of PTSD and explain that what a betrayed partner is experiencing is posttraumatic stress, they report feeling understood and validated. Our first step in the healing process begins with an assessment. This helps identify when symptoms of PTSD are most acute. Please note that previous life trauma can exacerbate PTSD symptoms.
When healing from betrayal and emotional trauma, we equip you with tools to help you start living again. Tools to manage your trauma symptoms. These skills include managing intrusive thoughts, addressing avoidance behaviors, and changing negative self-beliefs. As therapists, we often wish to take away our clients’ negative experiences. Since that is not possible, trauma work aims to integrate the trauma and help you live in the present. Managing traumatic symptoms takes time, and the progress is not linear. Still, hope and healing from this awful experience are possible.
As you manage and recover from posttraumatic stress symptoms, an essential recovery skill is learning how to regulate and tolerate difficult emotions. We work to help clients identify, accept and regulate their emotions.
Learn Self-Compassion With Therapy for Betrayal Trauma
Self-compassion can be learned. It is a crucial marker in recovering from betrayal trauma. In “Treating Trauma From Sexual Betrayal: The Essential Tools For Healing,” Dr. Keving Skinner writes, “..you simply cannot heal yourself if you don’t like yourself.” Learning to recognize that you have value and worth that is not related to your life experiences. Nor your family of origin, or the betrayals of your spouse. As you read this, you may agree intellectually, but your emotional experience may differ. Dr. Skinner’s book is an excellent resource for betrayed partners. I am very thankful for his wisdom and education on this topic.
Kristen Neff is one of the leading researchers on self-compassion. She breaks self-compassion down into three pillars. These pillars are mindfulness, self-kindness, and recognizing our shared humanity. Self-compassion helps us self-soothe, self-regulate, and calm ourselves in the middle of the inevitable emotional storms.
The discovery of infidelity, affairs, and sexual addiction can all lead to betrayal trauma. Especially for the non-acting-out partner. Our therapists are standing by to help you begin your healing journey.
Begin Therapy for Betrayal Trauma in Georgia Today
Learn to heal from your trauma with betrayal trauma therapy. At East Cobb Relationship Center our therapists provide you with support in a safe and comfortable environment to help you heal. To start betrayal trauma therapy follow these three simple steps.
- Contact us for a free consultation
- Begin meeting with one of our caring therapists
- Begin your journey to healing.