When Close is Too Close

It’s nice when a family is close. Relationships are responsive, respectful, and reciprocal. Yet, in some cases, family bonds from our family of origin can be too close. Enmeshment is characterized by feeling responsible for the wellbeing of your parents at the expense of your own relationships, wants and desires. These relationships may cause anxiety or depression. This may make the individual unable to create boundaries with members of their families.

What Does it Look Like?

If it feels like the needs of your family of origin come before your own. You are plagued by feelings of inadequacy or your self-worth is tied up in what you do not who you are. Your adult relationship with your family of origin interferes with your current romantic relationships. You struggle to commit to a romantic relationship despite meeting some wonderful people. You may find yourself sexually shut down or compulsively acting out. These are just a few examples of enmeshment that may play itself out in your life.

The Risk of Doing Nothing

Not addressing dysfunctional relationships with the family of origin possess at least two significant risks. The first is that you miss your life. Constant feelings of living behind a mask or chronic loneliness keep you from showing up in life in a meaningful authentic way. The journey away from enmeshment is a journey toward freedom and the ability to live an authentic, values-congruent life.

The second risk is that you pass the pattern to the next generation. If you find yourself unthinkingly repeating family patterns you may be. It’s easier to see looking backward but without careful attention and introspection, we risk passing this forward that we never want.

Freedom is possible.

Learning to set boundaries. Finding yourself and realigning your relational priorities. This can lead you to a life of freedom and healthy more balanced relationships.