Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, and some couples may need help to grow together and communicate their feelings with a neutral party. However, what happens when one partner is ready to go to counseling, but the other isn’t on board? It’s a situation many couples face, and trying to get your partner to go to counseling can feel like an uphill battle. Couples counseling isn’t just for those that are in crisis, seeing a therapist can help couples check in with each other and speak openly about any feelings that may be bothering them. In fact, according to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, “after receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health.”

Whether you’re the partner seeking counseling or the one hesitant about it, this blog will help you understand reasons for resistance and hopefully eliminate any preconceived notions.

Relationships can be one of life’s greatest joys, but they can also be a significant source of stress when conflicts arise. For many couples, seeking professional help through counseling seems like a logical next step. But what happens if only one partner is on board with this idea while the other is hesitant—or outright resistant—to the concept? This divide can feel frustrating, leaving the willing partner feeling stuck and unsure of how to move forward.

If you’re facing this situation, you’re not alone. Many couples encounter this roadblock, and it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. This blog explores actionable steps to address the situation, communicate with sensitivity, and create the space for healthy discussion, growth, and potentially, mutual agreement.

Why Counseling Is Such A Sticking Point  

It’s important to understand why one partner might resist counseling, because there are several potential reasons for hesitance, ranging from personal beliefs to fear. Here are some of the most common reasons:

• Past negative experiences⎯They may have been judged or criticized in past relationships, family dynamics, or even previous therapy sessions.
• Shame and vulnerability⎯Counseling encourages couples to share emotions, personal struggles, or past experiences, which some individuals may find overwhelming or intimidating.
• Fear of the counselor taking sides⎯They might worry that the therapist will align with the other partner, making them feel like the “bad guy.”
• Unresolved trauma⎯If they have past trauma, especially related to criticism or rejection, they may instinctively avoid situations where they feel exposed.
• Fear of change⎯Counseling often leads to personal growth and relationship shifts. If they fear being held accountable or forced to change, they may resist the process.
• Communication struggles⎯If they already feel misunderstood in the relationship, they might assume therapy will be another space where they are unheard or misrepresented.
• Perfectionism or self-criticism⎯Some people are their own harshest critics and may assume that others, including a therapist will judge them just as harshly.
• Perceived Stigma⎯Many people mistakenly associate counseling with “failure” in a relationship, thinking it signifies a last resort or a sign that something is irreparably broken. This stigma can discourage one partner from participating.  
• Belief that therapy won’t help⎯They may think that talking to a stranger about personal matters will only complicate things further, or that their partner’s problems are not severe enough to warrant therapy. This can be incredibly frustrating for both the individual seeking help and their unsupportive partner, leading to tension and misunderstandings within the relationship.
• Financial concerns⎯Couples counseling can be an investment, and financial worries may deter wanting to schedule an appointment, especially if it’s not covered by insurance.

By understanding their hesitation to get counseling, you can help address their specific concerns.

Express Your Feelings Calmly

Instead of framing counseling as something they need to do, explain why you feel it would be helpful. Use “I” statements, such as:

• “I feel like we’re struggling to communicate, and I think therapy could help us.”
• “I’m feeling overwhelmed, and counseling might give me tools to handle things better.”

Suggest A Trial Period

If your partner is reluctant, propose trying a few sessions with an agreement to reevaluate. Sometimes, just getting through the door makes therapy feel less intimidating.

Individual Therapy

While it’s not advised to work on your relationship in individual therapy, you can learn some valuable coping skills and ways that you can show up differently.  Even if your partner doesn’t want to work on the relationship, it doesn’t mean you must suffer silently. Your mental health still matters and working with a therapist to help improve your mental health and quality of life can be a helpful step.

Share The Benefits Of Counseling

Sometimes resistance to counseling stems from a lack of understanding about what it actually involves. You can help ease your partner’s reluctance by focusing on all the benefits and tools you are getting from individual counseling sessions. Positive benefits include:

• Improved communication and emotional connection  
• A neutral space where both partners can express themselves free of judgement
• Conflict resolution skills that strengthen the relationship  
• Tools to rebuild or maintain trust 

Instead of using going to counseling as a last resort, frame it as an investment in your future together.

Be Willing To Compromise  

If your partner isn’t ready to commit to counseling, don’t pressure them. Pushing too much can make them feel defensive or even create more of a divide between you and your partner. Instead, focus on small compromises. Suggest starting with just one session or agreeing to revisit the idea in a few months. Some people need more time to warm up to the idea of relationship counseling than others, so respecting their thoughts about it is key.

Investing The Relationship Together  

Navigating a situation where one partner wants counseling and the other doesn’t can feel challenging, but it isn’t insurmountable. By communicating with empathy, validating their concerns, and presenting counseling as a positive opportunity rather than a necessity, you can encourage productive conversations.

Learn more about one of our therapy methods for couples, which is Emotionally Focused Therapy and what to expect during your sessions. However, your therapist will find the best personalized approach to your individual needs and needs as a couple to make your relationship grow and become stronger. Contact us to learn more or schedule an appointment with one of our experienced relationship counselors.